SELF-CARE
SELFISH OR SACRED?
An Interactive
Guide to Myths and Misunderstandings
(Book Excerpt)
MYTH #1: CHRISTIANS AGREE ON THE DEFINITION OF SELF-CARE
Have you ever heard or agreed with any of the following beliefs?
- Scripture condemns self-care when it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty conceit” (Philippians 2:3).
- Most people care too much about themselves.
- Self-care is an excuse for more “me-time” which stems from prideful self reliance.
- My annual medical checkup is my self-care, that’s all I need.
- We should be focusing on Jesus, not self-help.
- I am blessed with good health.
- So I don’t need to do any self-care.
- The self-improvement industry makes lots of money with gimmicks appealing to vanity.
- My parents demonstrated self-sacrifice, a strong work ethic and the value of achievement at all costs. I strive to continue what they taught.
For some Christians, using the term self-care makes them feel uncomfortable. They rightfully quote Mark 10: 18 “No one is good except one—God” and Psalm 16:2 “You are my Lord. I have no good apart from you” to clarify value comes only from Christ. We don’t need to care for ourselves, they conclude, because God fully supplies our “every need, according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
Does this mean when we are overwhelmed, hungry and tired (like Elijah), we can expect angel intervention (I Kings 19)?
Other believers suggest Jesus’ admonition to “take up your cross, and follow me“ (Matthew 16:24) means denying any attention or pleasure to self. However, the Greek translation of this quote is closer to identification with Christ, being ready to suffer for the gospel truth if need be.
The definitions of self-care and self-esteem are easily transposed. Author Don Matzat contrasted the latter term to “Christ-esteem” in his book: Where the Search for Self-esteem Ends. Matzat wrote about finding purpose and confidence in Christ to overcome insecurities. The book emphasizes putting our worth in God’s hands to stop striving, worrying, and wondering if we are enough. Believers don’t need to seek higher “self-esteem” because “God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 2:6). We are defined by Jesus’ righteousness, not by our sin. At the same time, we do have stewardship responsibilities while living in our “earthly tent” (2 Corinthians 5: 1). Being aware of our many needs does not prompt self-reliance but humility.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” — C.S. Lewis
“Above all else, guard your heart carefully, because your life flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
My Struggle
Pastors have assured me the ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ (Matthew 22:39) passage is an encouragement to love ourselves, as well as our neighbor. But dare we assume everyone understands what this entails? Counselors will tell you self-hate keeps their offices very busy. If not modeled by mentors, where do people learn proper self respect and love? Personally, I am still learning the how and why.
Some Christians, like me, are prone to view themselves through the lens of the Law, more than the Gospel[1]. Often, the Holy Spirit rightfully reminds me of my eternal distance from God’s perfection: my sinful nature. But sometimes my feelings confuse guilt (disobedience) and shame (despair over who I am). The self-torment of inadequacy and inferiority are feelings Satan uses when we forget our worthiness in Christ. Also, it is easy to misunderstand the definition of self-love. This term is not what Timothy is condemning when he writes, “people will be lovers of themselves” because he further defines these same individuals as, “without self-control, savage, haters of what is good” (2 Timothy 3: 1-3).
As God’s chosen child, I am no longer under the Old Covenant of if you keep my commandments, then I will bless you (I Kings 3:14). Do you know people who feel they can’t be forgiven? I have moments like that until I allow facts to overrule my feelings. The truth is: when God looks at me under the New Covenant of grace he sees Jesus—who fulfilled that Law.
“Jesus loves us in spite of ourselves, loves us so much that he died to cleanse us of the guilt our self-centered love has brought upon us. …It is the dynamic that gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” — Kenneth Kremer, For One Another: Touching Hearts in a Changing World
“Do not be afraid, because I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine.” — Isaiah 43:1
“Make every effort to present yourself to God as one who is approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed.” — 2 Timothy 2:15
Your Struggle ?
Are you tempted to say “yah–but” as you analyze your value or need for self-respect? Since the start of time, humanity has continually messed up, ignoring the pursuit of God’s will. Despite all that, Christ followers are wholly redeemed; restored to a perfect relationship with their heavenly Judge. Because Jesus made us loveable, we disrespect his work when we neglect to love and care for ourselves.
Do you intentionally create space (or margins) in your life for emotional energy, relationships, laughter and joy? If not, what beliefs or excuses are preventing you from valuing your well-being?
“Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” — Matthew 6:26
Recall how the Creator purposely designed men and women in his image, as the highlight of all creation (Genesis 1). Also, if King David regarded his body “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), why do we hesitate to honor ours? Because every sinner was “bought at a price” the grateful Christian’s response is to “glorify God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:20). Would that not include loving care for your mental, physical, relational, and spiritual well-being?
“Could we say the things which we consider self-care are actually the means by which God cares for us? To rest in him is to express faith that he provides food, rest, medical care, etc. And it also demonstrates a humility that knows God is welcome to enlist other people to do his work (AKA ask for help!)” — Leah Alair
“To be sure, no one has ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” — Ephesians 5:29
Truth
"A person who lacks self-control is like a broken-down city without a wall." — Proverbs 25:28
House buyers are wise to hire experts to check the home’s foundation. The basement is an especially important place to look for wall cracks, uneven floors, sagging support beams or a leaning chimney. God-given responsibilities, opportunities, health, as well as relationships with others, are building blocks for our temporal life. Self-care is a secure foundation for our earthly existence.
Caring for our well-being to better enable productivity for God’s purposes is a part of sanctification[2]. The Holy Spirit works to separate his children from temptations and sin, enabling faith to grow and produce fruit. One goal of self-care is to “not let sin reign in your mortal body…but rather…offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness” (Romans 6:12-13).
The promise of “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you” (Matthew 6:33), is not condemning self-provision, but rather an encouragement to exclude worry. Worry is the opposite of trusting the Almighty God’s Sovereign plan and ignoring his past provisions. Worry is a well- known tactic of the devil to distract us from blessings, causing us to doubt how “all things work together for the good of those who love God” (Roman 8:28).
Satan also uses discouragement and despair to convince us we are not worthy of doing God’s will. Scripture affirms the powerful, reliable resources for each aspect of life—our Savior’s Rx for mind, body and soul.
“We are not called to bury our strengths, cower in comparison, or sit immobilized in self doubt…(but) be eager vessels built for his purpose and capable of moving mountains.” — Jes Woller, Miraculous Debut
[1] Because God is perfect in his holiness and justice, all people need to be rescued from their ungodliness (sin). Jesus humbled himself to live on earth for 33 years as God/man. He perfectly fulfilled the law’s requirements of obedience and sacrifice. The Gospel is the wonderful news of God’s forgiveness, love and peace with him, through Jesus’ life and death on a cross in our place.
” in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed by faith.“ (Romans 1:17)
[2] Justification refers to the saving work of Jesus who has paid for our “just as if I’d never sinned” status. Sanctification is how we live as Christians, relying on the Holy Spirit to guide our behavior, thoughts and desires. Through use of the Word and Sacraments, God gives and growths faith and fruit our daily life. This sets us apart (sanctifies) as God’s chosen.